and so here's my more amusing (and sexy!) way of getting rid of Vaughn.
Vaughn knocked on Sydney's door, but when she didn't come bounding up to answer right away, he got uber-worried and tried to knock the door down. I say 'tried' because he just bounced off a couple times (to be fair, it was a really strong door) before remembering that Sydney had given him a key.
He rushed around the apartment looking for her until he found her in the bedroom, where he couldn't believe his eyes. Sydney was standing there making out with Sark and a couple of half-full suitcases were sitting on her bed.
"Sydney, what the hell is going on here?!" Vaughn screamed loudly.
Sydney and Sark broke apart. "Oh hell," Sydney said. Sark smirked.
"Vaughn, I have to tell you something," Sydney said. "You and I are soulmates and everything, but I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore. So I'm running away with Sark to start a new and exciting life."
"What?!" Vaughn yelled. "How could you?"
"I'm really sorry Vaughn, but it's just not there between us anymore."
"Not that," Vaughn said. "This isn't fair!"
"What?" Sydney and Sark said simultaneously (alliteration!)
Vaughn stamped his foot like a toddler in a tantrum. "How come you always get to run away with the sexy evil blond English spy? How come I never get to?"
"Because you're a good Boy Scout," Sydney answered.
"I don't want to be," Vaughn pouted. "I want to be sort of bad, and have a dark and mysterious side to me. I almost did after I killed Lauren and then went rogue on APO, but then I went back to my old boring stick-up-my-ass self. Well, I want to have my dark side too! I wanna run away with MY evil hot assassin lover."
"You know, he's right," Sark said.
"What?" said Sydney.
"Why can't Vaughn get the chance to be bad and run away with us? I mean, he's been such a good boy for four seasons now, I think he should have the chance to run away and sit on a beach sipping margaritas and having hot sex all the time."
"Hot sex? I could do that!" Vaughn said. "Could we do semi-evil things like steal lots of money from real real bad guys?"
"Sure, why not?" Sark said.
"So when do we leave?" Vaughn said excitedly.
"Here you go," Sark handed Vaughn a plane ticket. "You go ahead and get it all ready for me and Sydney, okay?"
Vaughn was so excited, he tripped over his feet three times before he got out of the bedroom. When he was gone, Sark grabbed Sydney and started to make out with her again.
"Where did you send him?" Sydney asked around Sark's kisses.
"Who knows?" Sark mumbled, pulling her to the bed.
Vaughn sat in his seat, almost bouncing up and down in excitement. First class even! He was so ready for this!
The loudspeaker crackled to life. "Welcome to Oceanic Airlines, flight 815..."
Okay, it really sucks, but it's supposed to. And it gives me a good little giggle.